Does it drive you crazy when the doctor, nurses and therapists call you "Mom", instead of by your name? (or is that just me?)
I have quite a "reputation" among Austin's health care providers. Shocking! I know.
I am not sure how it all came about, if they each discovered this on their own or if there is a note in his medical chart somewhere, but I am known to be, and I quote, "on the ball". Over the past two years I have heard this said about me numerous times.
But that is a good thing, right? When you have a medically fragile child you need to be "on the ball", right? I am sure there are a LOT worse things than that. In fact, I know there are.
In some instances I am pretty sure "on the ball" = "difficult" to them. I prefer to think that I am well-informed, well-read and often just a teensy bit more knowledgeable on the subject at hand, which happens to be my child. They may know kidneys, blood pressure and how a muscle should work, but no one knows your child better than good ol' "Mom".
Looking back, my reputation may have started as early as Day 3 of Austin's life. I recall having an ever so...erm, polite exchange with a Pediatrician about an immunization. I declined it and she felt it was her job to tell me what a bad and uniformed parent I was. I knew my Patients Rights,and I exercised them. End of story. She is not the only health care professional I have fired, I just cut my teeth on her. Is that "on the ball" or difficult?
I remember when she left my hospital room, my mom was shocked 'Did you just argue with the doctor?' Yup! I sure did. If you try to brush me off, belittle my concerns, treat my child badly, provide negligent care or just plain ignore him. Guess what, then I can become difficult. Otherwise, yup you can call me "on the ball". Secretly, I kinda like it.
So what makes me so "on the ball" you ask? Just taking a guess here, but it may be one or more of several things:
- I call to follow-up on tests
- I ask for a copies of reports for my records
- I ask questions about possible alternative treatments
- I offer suggestions {gasp!}
Obviously if I had all the medical answers I wouldn't need them. Trying to keep up to date on relevant studies or reviewing tests doesn't give me all the answers, not even close. I realize I need their expertise and experience to help guide the best course of treatment. I am constantly reminding myself, "No one can whistle a symphony. It takes a whole orchestra to play it." {H.E. Luccock}
Being your child's advocate does not mean being combative, not at all. Parents should be able to work cooperatively with a medical team. I would not suggest going into an appointment waiting to pounce on a doctor or disregard them, merely be prepared with your own questions. Unfortunately, it appears that some health care professionals are not used to a parent working that way.
I wonder how many other parents are considered difficult, erm...I mean, "on the ball". Have you clashed with a doctor on your child's care?
Thanks for peeking,
7 Peekers:
Well said. You are your child's voice and you know him better than anyone else. I think most medical professionals get that, but some don't.
I have to remember that most doctors don't have the time to research my sons syndrome or rare medical problems, so it's my job to do the research and discuss it with them sometimes.
Have a great weekend!
A doctor told a friend that she's with her child 24 hours a day and knows better than anyone what he needs.
I've never had to argue or fight for the care of a child but I have had to be my own advocate, insisting on being tested for diabetes until they did the test to shut me up. Test showed my glucose was over 400, should be close to or under 100. I've had to fight for my mom to see the docs I wanted when she was in the ICU on a ventilator. I'm a respiratory therapist and didn't like or trust her doctor, I knew exactly who I wanted taking care of her and I fought with her doc to call him in. I've also fought for the right treatments for my patients when they didn't know what they needed or how to ask.
A lot of people think that doctors are close go gods and their word is golden. After working with doctors and arguing with them over my patients' care I know they're human and can and do make mistakes. I'm always asking for test results and questioning treatments they recommend.
I totally agree with you. I've had the exact same thoughts. I have been called "a great advocate" and "on the ball" so many times I'm pretty sure Ainsley's medical chart says "Mom knows best" which is code for Mom's a pain in the butt. Ha, ha. Thanks for the post. I'm glad I'm not alone in this.
Great post...I approve...course you already know that *wink* *wink*
yes, I guess you could say I fit into that cateory. I hear it lots, but I think I had to cut my teeth on the bigest decision of all. i told them N-O when they wanted to give Christopher a new heart when he was 3 weeks old. They talked to me dirty and promised I wold kill my child within 6 months without it.
My son's heart is repairing itself, the card says he believes we will be looking at a "normal" heart eventually and he will be 2(!) this Sunday....
No I am not combative, but I will not let them bulldoze me.
Good blog....AS ALWAYS! :D
Yes, "on the ball" is code for "pain in the butt!" lmbo!
I have had lots and lots (far too much) experience with docs and my daughter (heart problem at six weeks, heart transplant at four months), but I've been lucky. Really, I have only had one doctor who I felt treated me with disregard - all the others have always asked me how I thought my daughter was doing before telling me how she was doing. I often hear that I am "on the ball" or "in the know" because I remembered what the docs said during rounds, was good at repeating back what they told me to watch for, etc. I think sometimes it is a reflection of their experience with parents - think of how many parents they must deal with who are the opposite - checked out, thoughts elsewhere, or just completely overwhelmed!
It did take me a while to be start to actually question (challenge?) what our medical team says, but I think, in the end, they are happy to make their argument and usually, they convince me they are right. They are also very good at bringing in someone else to verify what they think is the right thing to do, just to be sure. It makes me feel pretty confident. I do wish sometimes there was a "medical parenting class" for those of us who are going to have a lifetime of it though...maybe I will create one! :)
Oh I have fired my fair share of doctors for sure! For awhile, I was the child in our family with the long list of medical issues. My mom started teaching me at 13 or 14 to be the one in charge of my medical care and patient advocacy has become my passion. My most memorable firing was when I sat down with my cardiologist to discuss a recent trip the ER and how his refusal to communicate my most recent test results with me or any other physicians had created problems on multiple levels. His response was to yell "I am the doctor, you are the patient, and you'll do what I say!" My response was to walk out the door. I am pretty sure that my medical chart from that hospital has written that I'm a difficult patient all over it, but it's not being a difficult patient, it's being a SMART patient.
Now my son has been diagnosed with multiple delays and we're waiting to see where these diagnoses take us. He wouldn't have been diagnosed yet if not for my persistence and I'm just glad that our current pediatrician is ok with that (when I interviewed her I was very upfront that I ask questions and do my own research).
We Love Your Comments